Sunday, September 28, 2008

Dear Mena,

It's hard to imagine that only 8 days ago you and I headed to the vet to get some pills to cure your breathing problems, and then one day later you lay dying in my lap.

Of course it's nothing compared to what you went through, but our last week has been strange.  It's been 7 years since Gideon has been alone for more than an hour or so; I know there are times when he likes it, but it's definitely been hard.  When the kids and I got home after being gone for 4 hours on Monday, he sniffed around us looking for something.  I can't say for sure he was looking for you, but he sure acted like it.  

And he absolutely wouldn't go into the spot where you laid on the grass for the last time.  It's odd how you dogs know things.  Every day he gets a little more normal, but this morning he came upstairs and laid down for a couple minutes where your pillow used to be.  Then, with no prompting, he left your spot.  I can tell he misses you.

Ellie and Matthew didn't say TOO much about it on Monday, but starting Tuesday (and on every day since) they have talked a lot about you.  Ellie wants her bedtime stories to be how we got you and Gideon, and then how you died.  She also reminds us that you're still around, with Grandma Boo and Grandpa Don and the angels.  Give them big cuddles for us.

We didn't think Matthew would understand any of this, but every time we come into the house Matthew says, "Mena Mena."  He also goes to where your pillow was, points at whatever is there and says angrily, "No!  Mena's pillow there!"  Hopefully you know how much he misses you too.

As for me, putting away your pillows and toys was terrible, and I still haven't washed them.  Even after putting your stuff away, at the beginning of the week (and occasionally since) I would forget that you aren't around and would expect to see you as I walked around a corner.  Out of habit I'd look out the kitchen window to see if you were in your usual spot in the yard.  And Sharon and I both haven't gotten used to coming home to only 1 wiggler.

But as the week progressed, life has started to become more normal.  I've focused on the family and life in general, and even though I know it's healthy, I feel super-guilty for not thinking about you 100% of the time.  

You really were such a wonderful dog, and we all miss you very much!

All of us

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