Wednesday, April 8, 2009

6 months, and it still hurts

Wow, it's been just over six months. Half a year, and I still miss Mena and Gideon like it was yesterday. I have a picture of Gideon on my desk that was taken on his last full day with us, and when I look at it I can still hear, feel and smell him - it's like he's right next to me. He and I were a matched pair, and we understood each other perfectly, and looking at that picture makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

Matthew (2-1/2 years old) was looking at the picture yesterday and asked if Gideon was sick. I confirmed that he remembered Gideon had died, and Matthew told me he meant in the picture.

Yes, Gideon was very sick in that picture.

"He was sick?"
Yes, very.

"His eye hurt?"
Yes, that eye (Gideon's left).

"He needed to see the doctor?"
Yes, but the doctor said he was too sick.

"Did he get shots?"
Yes, but they didn't help.

"I don't like shots. Why didn't he say grrr?"
He did, sweetheart, but sometimes it just doesn't help.

I can't believe I miss Gideon (and Mena) so much, and that's why hearing something like this (also search for #maddie on Twitter) makes me grieve for her family. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for them, and I hope somehow they're able to make peace with everything.

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