Day One - Sunday
Matthew poops right before we board our flight. Thankful that it happened BEFORE we got on the plane, we change him and are getting on the plane 10 minutes later when we realize he's pooped again. Another quick change once we're on the plane, we take off, and he poops a third time. Uh oh.
Fast forward through a blur of crying and pooping. The flight attendant is sniffing up and down the aisle saying, "Where's that smell coming from?" Yes, sir, that's the fruit of my loins that's making that stink. But I think he gets it from my wife's side of the family. The flight attendant tells us to cover our eyes and then sprays over us with Febreeze. No joke. It smells nice, though.
Not to be outdone, Matthew then poops out of his clothes into his car seat. My wife goes to change Matthew while I clean up the car seat with a "Wet One" and the Febreeze. On which of the following items did Matthew barf while Sharon was bringing him back?
- Seats 21B and C
- Our carry-ons, which were on seats 21B and C.
- The shoe and sock of the man sitting in row 22, who happened to be in Patti LaBelle's band, have 4 kids at home, and was very tolerant of Matthew's barf.
- All of the above.
You guessed it. Ugh.
Eight plastic bags later (to contain the stink from our clothes, luggage, and garbage), we sat down on the blankets they'd laid on top of the "human fluid cleaner." Don't worry everyone, there are only about 2-1/2 hours left in the flight. It'll be okay, because the crew cranked the air conditioner to help control the stink and "minimize the risk of someone else getting sick." Since Matthew barfed on his backup outfit, he got to ride the rest of the way wrapped in an airline blanket.
Day 2 - Monday
Monday morning I slip in the
ice rink shower and partially dislocate my shoulder (subluxation for you med students).
Later that day, I take Matthew to Urgent Care because he's barfed again and has a high fever and white diarrhea. A couple of hours later they tell me to give him Tylenol. Thanks. Coincidentally, I see my Uncle Allen there (with Aunt Sandy). He has bronchitis and pneumonia and won't be joining us for Thanksgiving.
I get back to the hotel to find my wife taking care of Ellie, who is now also running a fever and feeling awful. She had been so preoccupied getting Ellie to rest that she forgot to put Ellie in a pull up during her nap. Ellie starts crying when we notice that she peed in the bed, but Sharon tells her that it's okay. While we're changing Ellie, she tells us "I peed in my underpants, but that's okay Mommy. That's okay."
That night I fully dislocate my shoulder while I'm asleep (a result of wrenching it in the shower) and my calling for help wakes Matthew, who is unexpectedly getting decent sleep. Sharon resets it for me (ahhhhhh) and at 2:30am I go to CVS for Advil, ice packs, and ACE bandages. By 3:30am I have my shoulder immobilized and wake Matthew again when I activate the instant ice pack. I get 1/2 hour of semi-sleep before my daughter wakes up.
Day 3 - Tuesday
Tuesday morning, I go to Urgent Care (again) for my shoulder. The doctor laughs and asks me if I want to make an appointment for Wednesday just in case something else goes wrong. The kids are both sick, so we can't see my Grandma Boo (she'd arrived Monday night) for fear she'll catch something.
Day 4 - Wednesday (my birthday)
Wednesday we attempt to visit before lunch, but Ellie throws a temper tantrum the likes of which I haven't seen, complete with her jumping up and down and flapping her arms on the way out the door, screeching "I don't wanna!" See how cute she is Grandma Boo?
That evening we are able to visit with people and celebrate my birthday, although time was short because of various sleepy children.
Day 5 - Thanksgiving
Thursday morning Ellie and I visit and see Grandpa G's airplane. Ellie loves it, but when we get back to the hotel we find that Matthew has been crying for a couple hours and won't take his morning nap. After lunch and afternoon naps, we get ready to go and arrive just in time for dinner. Ellie freaks out and cries in another room for about 1/2 hour during dinner. Sharon acts like a cop sent in to talk a jumper down from a building and goes to talk with Ellie.
When Ellie calms down enough to come out, she tells me, "Daddy, eating inside is not an option." Hmm...I wonder what Sharon was discussing with her? She gradually warms up, eventually having a great time after dinner. I push Ellie and Grandma Boo in the wheelchair and we take family pictures. Then Ellie gets Grandma G to read her a story, and while she's on her lap, Ellie starts coughing.
I've heard about coughing fits ending up with barfing, but hadn't seen one - until now. Barf #3 of the trip takes out Ellie, the book, and Grandma G, who takes the brunt of the load. Ellie invents the word "barfded." Okay, terrific! Time to go!
Day 6 - Friday
It's about 25 minutes past time to leave the hotel, and other than being late, our luck has improved to the point that nobody is barfing, diarrheaing, bleeding, dislocating, etc. We make it to the plane, which is only 60% full, and the pilot gets us home 45 minutes ahead of schedule. They must have confused us with someone else.
I'm never leaving the house again.